the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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