grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
