i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
