Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
