yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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