Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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