You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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