you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
