i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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