I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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