So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
