Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
