nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
