people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we made out on top of his cat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
