i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
