you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
