We're facebook friends in real life
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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