I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
