in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
