Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
