My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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