The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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