A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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