remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
