I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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