just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
