my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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