I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
