Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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