I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
