Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
