you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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