Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
