wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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