I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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