The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
