Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
