I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
