I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
