Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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