I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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