I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
