Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
