She went from zero to smokin in five shots
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
