She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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