You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
