this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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