I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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