youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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