wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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