Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
