He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
