im drinking this country out of the recession.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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