You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
