If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize